oooooooooh, baby i love your way

i am not feeling quite clever enough to come up with a snazzy title, so i googled "baby" and "song lyrics" and what you see above is the phrase i discerned to be best. and by best, i mean least annoying.

so.

i read the news--a lot. in fact, some very incredible, intelligent and funny people pay me to do it. the best part, besides watching the midland v. bay city v. saginaw triangular battle for "we aren't that bad, check out what is happening in midland/bay city/saginaw" unfold, is being assigned to read the lansing city pulse, a paper i really enjoy but don't read as often living on the outskirts of lansing. (aside: that will change. moving day is upon us...in a week.)

today the cover story Outside the Hospital: Local women discover natural birth caught my eye. first, because it sounds a bit cheesy (bad titles, theme of the day) and because i have had a baby (she's three now, so if you are surprised, you clearly haven't been paying attention).

of course the story centers on the same hospital where we delivered evie. some of you know the backstory there--the short of it is i was in labor over 40 hours, pushed for two, had my labor stopped (really, there is a shot for that) as evie was becoming stressed (essentially i never had a lull in the contractions...picture a constant tsunami as opposed to waves) and then in the morning my labor was begun anew. after all was said and done, i ended up with the now-fashionable c-section. my doctors' reason seemed right: a very serious infection was rapidly progressing through my (almost to evie) and it was time to make sure she (and i) were going to be okay.

because my experience was out of control, and full of delirious pain (hello, pitocin!) which caused me to literally lose 6 hours, i am pretty well set on not having another child. having both a "natural" and cesarean birth to recover from wasn't pretty.

what does get me, tho, is what is mainly the thrust of the article: had i stuck to my guns and not caved to have any induction, it is possible i would have ended up without the surgery. but we will never know--that's all speculation. evie was over 1/3 my height at birth, and over 8 pounds. chances are it would have been difficult either way.

what i hate, really, is the speculation over what is best for each mother or child. i agree that childbirth is empowering to an extent--you learn what you and your body are made of, you learn a hell of a lot about death (at least i did--i was convinced i was going to die before the doctors stopped the labor the first time, it was that apparent to me that what was occurring wasn't normal) and when the baby arrives happy and healthy, you instantly forget the horror of it. until later.

i'm not trying to rain on anyone's parade here: childbirth is incredible, and scary, and the worst pain you'll ever go through. and there are a lot of things you can do to alleviate some of that. but the reason i think women (esp. here in lansing) are having surgical births at an alarming (thirty percent) rate is less because doctors are controlling bastards (mine weren't, they were delightful) and more, i think, because all of us have some type of notion ingrained in us about women. i know plenty of men who feel they are responsible for "protecting" their female friends, relatives, etc. chivalry is sweet in a romantic comedy, but it borders on "i know what's best for you"--and really becomes clearer in situations where women (or anyone we are all taught to believe is "weaker" than us) are vulnerable. this is not a man v. woman thing, either: the doctors and nurses who really bear the responsibility for sending things out of control during my labor were women. insane.

i'm rambling. i know. but i have a real issue with anyone saying what is or is not right for another person: what i would love is just the encouragement of choice.

so read the article. tell me what you think. kristin, you especially:)